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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28437411">How Many Discus Does it Take to Crack Open a Tombstone?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Optronix/pseuds/Optronix'>Optronix</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Apologies, Fluff and Humor, Fluff without Plot, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 20:48:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,994</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28437411</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Optronix/pseuds/Optronix</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Naturally, Apollo flirted with the one guy he shouldn't have.  Nico has half a mind to strangle him for his stupidity.  Percy regrets opening the door this morning, because he could think of a dozen things that would be better than crouching behind a gravestone with Nico and Apollo sniping at each other like an old married couple every seven seconds.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Apollo/Hyacinthus (Percy Jackson), Nico di Angelo &amp; Will Solace</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>41</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>How Many Discus Does it Take to Crack Open a Tombstone?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Set after The Hidden Oracle, but before The Dark Prophecy.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“What do you <i>mean</i> I look terrible in artic camo?”</p><p>“That’s not what I said.”</p><p>“It’s exactly what you said!”</p><p>“<i>No.</i>  What I said was, ‘you’re going to give our position away dressed like that,’ you idiot.”</p><p>“I don’t exactly have access to a closet, DI ANGELO.”</p><p>“How about I send you on a permanent trip, LESTER?”</p><p>“How about the both of you SHUT UP?!”</p><p>Nico di Angelo was ninety percent serious with his offer of cracking the ground open like a bar of chocolate and sending the mortal god Apollo down to have a heart to heart with his father, the Lord of the Dead.  However, he knew his boyfriend would be extremely upset at him if he killed his dad.  Percy Jackson, on the other hand, was sitting there, a ballpoint pen clutched in his hand, back pressed to a large tombstone, questioning his life choices.  The one that was crossing his mind at the moment was, <i>why had he answered the door two hours ago?</i></p><p>Currently, they were cornered in an ancient cemetery upstate.  Heavy, metal discus were flying and shattering grave markers, trees, and whatever else got in their way.  One took out a pillar of a mausoleum not far from them – which caused half the marble roof to cave in on itself.  That thundering muffled the crashing of discus for a few seconds as Nico glared at Apollo once more.</p><p>“This isn’t my fault,” Apollo huffed.</p><p>“Yes it –”</p><p>“Not the time,” Percy sighed, peeking around the side of his headstone.  As soon as he did, a heavy gold disc nearly implanted in his head.</p><p>Nico rolled his eyes.  “This is stupid.  We can’t crouch here all night.”</p><p>“Well, it’s not like he’s is going to get tired and leave,” Apollo quipped back, his eyes blue slits he was glaring so hard.</p><p>“Just apologize!”</p><p>“How was I supposed to know?!  It’s not like I’m a god anymore!  I just needed some answers and he was kinda cute and he offered to get me some coffee and –”</p><p>“Again,” Percy interpreted as a discus imbedded in the stone he was hiding behind, “not the time.”  The stone slowly cracked, crawling upwards as the sun eased towards the horizon.  Another discus shattered the headstone completely just as Percy rolled in next to Nico, ducking to stay out of sight.</p><p>“Alright, Nico, what’s your plan?”</p><p>“I’m still all for my suggestion of twenty minutes ago.”</p><p>“We’re <i>not</i> offering Apollo as a sacrifice,” Percy deadpanned as Apollo scoffed with disgust.</p><p>“Thank you,” Apollo trilled.</p><p>“Mostly because Artemis would let her Hunters hunt us down for sport,” Percy finished.  Apollo was less enthusiastic with that clarification.  Nico growled as a bronze discus flew so close to his head, it touched his hair.  The metal disc embedded in a cypress tree a few feet front of them.  Nico rubbed at his eyes, his fingers curling as he sunk his nails into his cheeks as he pulled on the skin.  He had half a mind to shadowtravel away, but again, he knew Will would be furious if he bailed on Apollo.</p><p>“Oh, this is so frickin’ stupid!” Nico seethed again, his fingers twitching like he was longing to strangle someone – probably Apollo.  He glanced over his shoulder before slamming his hands into the grass and slimy, snowy muck of late January.  The ground shook and split, zigzags cutting between the graves like a toddler who was just learning how to use scissors.  Rotting, putrid limbs clawed their way out of their caskets and out of the slushy earth.  About two dozen skeletons at various levels of decomposition stared blankly at Nico, who was now slumped against Percy.  He hadn’t meant to summon so many, but his frustration had gotten the better of him.  Nico’s eyes fluttered shut as he muttered just loudly enough for the skeletons to recognize his order.</p><p>“Get us out of here…”</p><p>The small skeletal army responded – which Apollo hated, as the dead was the exact opposite of everything he stood for as the God of the Sun.  The smell of sagging, dead flesh didn’t help anything.  Percy carried Nico, the poor kid slung over his shoulder like a sack of barn lime, just conscious enough to keep the skeletons from turning on them.  This left Apollo out in front with no weapon, no brains, and no skills, and none of this was a good look for little mortal Apollo anyways.  Two seconds on his feet almost earned him a discus to the face.</p><p>The discus kept smashing into the skeletons, felling them like trees.  They shattered and clattered to the ground with the sound of bowling pins during a strike.  It was getting more difficult to see where the discs where coming from with the light fading so rapidly… but the gates were only twenty feet in front of them now.  Apollo was certain they’d make it.  After all, at least nine skeletons remained to take each body-destroying blow.</p><p>“Almost out,” Apollo croaked, putting his hands up to defend against the exploding skeleton.  He took a few ribs to the chest but managed to dodge the collarbone.</p><p>“I am never answering the door again,” Percy grumbled as he dropped to a knee to avoid a flying femur.  Nico groaned as a bony hand hit his back.  The impact made the hand blow a part like a pearl necklace being ripped from a princess’ throat.</p><p>That was, until a warm breeze from the west stopped the three of them and their undead bodyguards in their tracks.  The next wind blast was so strong that it torn a part their skeletal protectors, leaving the three boys exposed fifteen or so feet from the wrought iron cemetery gates; standing there, with short, curly black hair and blazing spring green eyes was Zephyros himself.  Clutched in his quivering fist was yet another discus.</p><p>“Oh, uh, hello,” Apollo began lamely.  Even if Apollo had been a god, Percy suspected he would have looked just as small and pathetic.  Apollo’s clothes were ripped and soiled, like he’d been on the run for a few weeks.  His smile was no longer perfect, his pimples bright as a flashing stoplight against his washed-out face.  His hair sported a few twigs, his hands covered in scratch marks from a lost fight with a thorn bush earlier.  All-in-all, Apollo looked ready to get the snot slapped out of him.</p><p>“How is it that you’ve been stripped of your powers, been completely humiliated by the Council, and been made to do errands like some hubris-drenched mortal, and yet you STILL MANAGE TO STEAL MY BOYFRIEND?!”  Before Apollo could even consider responding, Zephyros threw the discus as hard as he could; his control over the wind made his aim perfect.  The only reason it missed busting through Apollo’s blood-drained face was he dropped into the mud and snow, completely ruining what remained of his artic camo.</p><p>“I was only asking for some assistance!  And then he asked if I’d like to get some coffee.  I’m on a bit of a tight schedule, so I was going to decline –”</p><p>“But you didn’t!”</p><p>Another discus impaled the ground right where Apollo’s hand had been a moment before.  Percy jumped behind a tree, bringing Nico’s limp form with him.</p><p>“He’s not even that cute,” Apollo murmured… and then instantly wished he hadn’t.  Apollo could feel Percy’s Even I’m <i>Not That Stupid</i> look.</p><p>“HOW DARE YOU.”</p><p>Apollo finally got hit, right in the chest as he had been trying to get up.  Percy cringed as he heard Apollo’s left collarbone break.  The former god let out a pinched scream, stumbling back into a tombstone.  He managed to sit on it instead of toppling over it.  His breathing shook hard as tears spilled over and mixed with the slime on his cheeks.  Apollo held his injured arm at the best angle he could to keep his shoulder from being disturbed too much.  The pain… how had he never felt this much pain the last two times he’d been mortal?  And how did the mortals last being in pain like this and worse for long periods of time?  It was horrible.</p><p>Zephyros seemed much more willing to ease up on his throwing now that Apollo had been injured.  Percy shrugged off Nico behind a larger headstone, keeping a firm grip on his pen as he slowly joined Apollo.  Nico groaned lowly, his eyelids flickering, but otherwise staying quiet.</p><p>“Okay,” Percy started slowly, “we both know Apollo’s an idiot.”  Percy cut off the protest Apollo was about to utter with a sharp look.  “However, with his punishment quest from Zeus, and the whole ‘tragedy of losing his godliness,’ he’s been a touch busy.  We really weren’t looking for a fight, despite what you may have heard about me or Nico.  Apollo just…” Percy sighed heavily, putting his pen back in his pocket as he looked up at the sky like he was searching for salvation, “doesn’t know how to mortal yet.”</p><p>Zephyros snorted as he stared at Percy, another discus having appeared magically in his hand as the Son of Poseidon had been talking.  Apollo was breathing shallowly, trying not to hyperventilate as pain throbbed through his flabby, acne infested body.</p><p>“Since when has Apollo ever known how to do anything that doesn’t involve sunshine, music, or thinking he is the hottest person on the planet,” Zephyros commented rhetorically.  He turned his gaze away from Percy to glower at Apollo, hatred and anger still scorching.</p><p>It was then Apollo realized why Zephyros was so angry because it wasn’t anger, not really.  It was sadness, misery, regret – and he knew why, because Apollo had been feeling those same feelings a lot recently.</p><p>“This isn’t about your guy,” Apollo said softly, his blue eyes meeting green.  “This is about Hyacinthus.”</p><p>“Wha – N-no it’s – This is about –”</p><p>“Hyacinthus,” Apollo repeated gently.</p><p>“I know because I loved him,” he said simply.  “You… you loved him too.  We both made mistakes, mistakes that got him killed.  Hyacinthus, he was one of the greatest loves I have ever had.  I… I would have married him, I think.  I think about how much he would have loved to see how the world has changed in the last four thousand years, how the mortals have grown.  I know he would see the best in them and help them towards trying not to repeat history.  There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about him, because I miss him so much.  I still cry for him, and while I’ve always known it’s not possible, I… I still hope that someday I’ll get to see him again, somewhere that’s not in my dreams.  I’m sorry, Zephyros, for being so terrible back then, and giving you a reason to be jealous and spiteful.  I know you cared for him too.  And I’m sorry about this afternoon.  I honestly had no idea that guy was with you, and I had no intention or want of interfering with your relationship.”</p><p>Zephyros sniffled, his hands shaking again, but this time, the discus disappeared.  His smile was watery as tears cascaded down cheeks onto his soft cotton shirt. His voice was a thick croak as spoke.</p><p>“I… I miss him too, and I’m sorry.”  Zephyros wiped his cheeks before turning away.  Beautiful white wings, like a pegasus’ unfold from his back; with two flaps of his wings, he is lost to the clouds.</p><p>Apollo rubbed at his face for a moment.  All he managed was to rub mud over his lips and nose, successfully covering half his face in filth.  At least that will keep any possible suitors from asking him out.</p><p>Percy shifted a bit awkwardly, clearly uncertain of what to say.  Nico did that for him by declaring, “McDoooooonaldssssss” from behind his gravestone.</p><p>With a chuckle, Percy smiled, muttering to himself, “Pity I don’t have any Wonderbread.”</p><p>Apollo did not get the joke.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This was originally a gift fic Christmas present for a friend of mine, but I loved it so much that I decided it was post-worthy, so enjoy.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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